WHEN joke

When I take a long time, I am slow.
When my boss takes a long time, he is thorough.

When I don't do it, I am lazy.
When my boss doesn't do it, he is too busy.

When I do something without being told, I am trying to be smart.
When my boss does the same, that is initiative.

When I please my boss, I am ass-kissing.
When my boss pleases his boss, he is co-operating.

When I do good, my boss never remembers.
When I do wrong, he never forgets.

When I make a mistake, I am an idiot.
When my boss makes a mistake, he's only human.

When I am out of the office, I am wandering around.
When my boss is out of the office, he's on business.

har!har!har!

Anything For Love joke

The beautiful secretary of the president of a bank goes on a sight-seeing tour with a very rich African king who was a very important client. The client out of the blue asks her to marry him. Naturally, the secretary is quite taken aback. However, she remembers what her boss told her, don't reject the guy outright.

So, she tries to think of a way to dissuade the businessman from wanting to marry her. After a few minutes, the woman says to the man, "I will only marry you under three conditions. First, I want my engagement ring to be a 75-carat diamond ring with a matching 200-carat diamond tiara."

The African king pauses for awhile. Then, he nods his head and says, "No problem! I have. I have."

Realizing her first condition was too easy the woman says to the man, I want you to build me a 100-room mansion in New York. As a vacation home, I want a chateau built in the middle of the best wine country in France."

The African king pauses for awhile. He whips out his cellular phone and calls some brokers in New York and in France. He looks at the woman, nods his head and says, "Okay, okay. I build. I build."

Realizing that she only has one last condition, the secretary knows that she'd better make this a good one. She takes her time to think and finally she gets an idea. A sure-to-work condition. She squints her eyes,looks at the man and says, rather coldly, "Since I like sex, I want the man I marry to have a 14-inch penis."

The man seems a bit disturbed. He cups his face with his hands and rests his elbows on the table, all the while muttering in African dialect.

Finally, after what seemed like forever, the king shakes his head, looking really sad, and says to the woman, "Okay, okay. I cut. I cut."

har!har!har!

Sex Education Class joke

A 2nd grade 'Sex Education' class is asking the teacher questions about sex.

A girl asks the teacher, "Can my mother get pregnant?" The teacher replies, "How old is your mother?" The little girl answers, "36." The teacher says, "Yes, your mother can get pregnant."

So the litle girl asks, "Can my older sister get pregnant?" The teacher asks, "How old is your sister?" The little girl replies, "19." The teacher says, "Oh my, yes, your sister can get pregnant."

The girl asks the teacher, "Can I get pregnant?" The teacher asks, "How old are you?" The young girl replies, "7 years old." The teacher replies, "Oh, no, you can't get pregnant!"

The little boy behind her pokes her in the back with his pencil and says, "See? I told you we had nothing to worry about!"

har!har!har!

Man's Sex Life joke

When the Creator was making the world and all its inhabitants, he called man aside. "I'm bestowing upon you," the Creator said, "twenty years of active sex life."

Man was dismayed. "Only twenty years?" he protested. "Great One, that isn't enough. Can't you add a few more years?" But the Creator shook his head. It was twenty years or nothing, so man glumly sat down.

The monkey was called forth. He was offered twenty years of active sex life too. But, the monkey suggested humbly that ten years would be quite enough, since he seldom lived longer than that anyway.

Immediately the man leaped up. "Can I have your extra ten years?" he cried excitedly. "Of course," said the monkey graciously.

The lion was then called forth and the Creator made the same offer. Twenty years of active sex life. The lion gravely shook his mane. "Mighty One," he roared, "I'm a monogamous animal: therefore, ten years will be enough for me."

Again, the man stood up. "Can I have the lion's share also?" he asked eagerly. Both the lion and the Creator agreed, and the man sat down elated.

The donkey was then called up, but when the Creator offered him twenty years, he balked. "Sire," he brayed, "I want to reserve some time for eating sweet clover. Ten years is ample time for me."

The Creator nodded, then turned and looked at man. "I suppose you want his ten years as well?" Man smirked and nodded. "So be it," said the Creator and turned away.

And that is how it came to pass that man has twenty years of active sex life, ten years of monkeying around, ten years of lion about it, and ten years of making an ass of himself.

har!har!har!