Shape Joke

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is.
- Ellen DeGeners.

har! har! har!

Smile Joke

life is too short. smile while u still have teeth!


har! har! har!

The 3 C'S

The 3 C's in life" Choices, chances and changes. You must make a choice to take a chance or your life will never change.

har! har! har!

Footprints Joke

Some people come into our lives and leave footprints in our hearts. Others come into our lives and make us wanna leave footprints on their face.

har! har! har!

Quite Joke

my mother told me that if you cant say anything nice, dont say anything at all, and some people wonder why im so quite around them. lol

har! har! har!

Tagalog Jokes

Mister: Kung gagawa ako ng pelikula , gusto ko , ako si
ZORRO!
Misis: E ako , sino?
Mister: Si DACOS!
Misis: Dacos? Sino ' yun?
Mister: DA COS of all my ZORROs!


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Job interview:
Boss: Ano ang alam mo?
Rommel: Alam ko po kung saan kayo nakatira ng misis niyo , at kung saan nakatira ang kabit niyo.
Boss: Tanggap ka na!


------------ -- ------------ ---- ------------ - ------------
Tomas: Sobrang tabatsoy ang misis ko , kaya gusto niyang magbawas ng timbang.
Nag-horseback riding siya...
Jorge: Ano ' ng resulta?
Tomas: Nabawasan ng sampung kilo ' yung kabayo!


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Ama: Kumusta ang pag-aaral mo?
Anak: Nag-lesson at test po kami tungkol sa mga manok.
Ama: Ano , madali ba?
Anak: Chicken na chicken!
Ama: Anong grade mo?
Anak: Itlog po.


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Dalawang holdaper sa bangko:

Holdaper #1: Yehey! Mayaman na tayo!
Holdaper #2: Bilangin mo na!
Holdaper #1: Alam mo namang mahina ako sa math. Abangan na lang natin sa balita kung magkano!


-------- ----------- ----------- ------------ ------------
Pasyente: Okey ba ang services sa ospital na ito?
Doktor: Oo naman. Sigurado ' yon.
Pasyente: Paano kung hindi ako satisfied?
Doktor: Ibabalik namin ang sakit mo.


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3 tanga nagsisiksikan sa maliit na ** kama **:*

TANGA1: Pare , di tayo kasya. Bawas tayo ng isa , sa lapag na lang matulog.
(Bumaba si Tanga 1.)

TANGA2: Ayan , pare maluwag na , akyat kana dito!



************ ********* **
Dear Dodong ,
Sa susunod anak , Nido non-fat na lang ang ipadala mo sa tatang mo. Nasisira kasi ang tiyan niya sa pinadala mong Nivea Moisturing Milk...
Nagmamahal - Nanay



************ ********* **
ANAK: ' Tay , penge ng pera. May project kami. Bibili ako ng 'cocomban ' ..
TATAY: Ano ka ba naman. Hangga ngayon ' cocomban ' pa rin ang tawag mo!
ANAK: Ano po ba ang tama?
TATAY: Bomb paper!



************ ********* ********* **
MISIS: Dear , iligaw mo nga tong pusa. Nakasako na. Dalhin mo sa malayo!
MISTER: Ok!
MISIS: Bakit ka ginabi? Niligaw mo ba ang pusa?
MISTER: Bwisit na pusang yan! Kundi ko siya sinundan , di ako nakauwi!



************ ********* ********
PEDRO: Galing ako sa doktor , nakabili na ako ng hearing aid. Grabe ang linaw ngayon nang pandinig ko!
JUAN: Wow , galing! Magkanong bili mo sa hearing aid?
PEDRO: Kahapon lang!



************ ********* ********* ******
At a funeral...

ERAP: Tara na , Jinggoy. Alis na tayo!
JINGGOY: Kararating pa lang natin a!
ERAP: Naku mahirap nang maiwan. Basahin mo o: 'REMAINS WILL BE CREMATED. '



************ ********* ********
Tanga 1: Ano bang hinahanap mo diyan sa supot ng 3-in-1 coffee. Kanina ka pa silip nang silip diyan.
Tanga 2: Hinahanap ko yung libreng asukal. Nakasulat kasi sa karton ' SUGAR FREE. '


************ ********* *******
JUAN: Pare , ang bilis kong nabuo ' tong puzzle!
PEDRO: Talaga? Gaano kabilis?
JUAN: 5 months!
PEDRO: Tagal naman!
JUAN: Tagal ba ' yun? Nakalagay nga dito: 'for 3 years & up ' !

har! har! har!

White Hair Joke

One day little Liza was sitting and watching her mother Trudez do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.

She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, 'Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?'

Her mother replied, 'Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.'

The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, 'Mommy, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?

har! har! har!

Photograph Joke

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.

'Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Abdullah, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Omar, He's a doctor.'

A small voice at the back of the room rang out, 'And there's the teacher, she's dead.''

har! har! har!

Just a Joke

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:

'Take only ONE . God is watching.'

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples.'


har! har! har!