Be back in 5 minutes

I'll be back in 5 minutes but if not. Just read this message again.
har!har!har!

Reckless driver

"Yes officer, I did see the no u turn sign but I just didn't see you"
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Ill be there

If you fall, I'll be there.
                            Floor
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Difference between school and life

In school you're thought a lesson and then given a test. In life, your given a test that teaches you a lesson.
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Just be sure

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it seven or 8 times, just to be sure.
har!har!har!

Laughter is the best medicine

Laughter is the best medicine, but if you laugh without reason, you need medicine.
har!har!har!

Best Medicine

A wise Physician said " The best medicine for humans is LOVE". Someone ask "What if it doesn't work?" The Physician smiled and replied " Increase the dose".
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Waiting for the right Partner

Its very hard to find the right partner, especially when the wrong ones are damn attractive.
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How to find X

Dear Algebra,
Stop asking us to find your x.
She's not coming back and we don't know y either.

har! har!har!

Alternative Plan

Don't worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letter in the alphabet.

har!har!har! 

Love Everybody

I love everybody, Some I love to be around. Some I love to avoid, and others I love to punch in the face.

har! har!har!

Punctuation Check

Let's eat Grandma.
Let's eat, Grandma.

Correct punctuation can save a persons life.
har! har! har!

The FROG and the Computer Programmer

A guy was walking beside a pond when a frog jumped out and told him that she was really a beautiful princess and if he were to kiss her, she would make him VERY happy! He picked up the frog and put it into his pocket.
A few minutes later, the frog poked her head out and said, "Didn't you hear me?! I'm a beautiful princess and if you kiss me I will stay with you and do ANYTHING you want!"
The guy took the frog out and said, "Look, I understand what you are saying, but I am a computer programmer and right now I don't have time for a girlfriend,........but a talking FROG is REALLY, REALLY COOL!"
har!har!har!

Whisper with LOVE

HUSBAND: honey I want you to whisper dirty things in my ear!
WIFE: Dirty kitchen, living room, dinning room, your shirt, YOU!
har!har!har!

Sweet Person

It has been scientifically proven that sugar dissolves in water. So please dont go out when its raining. I cant afford to loose a sweet person like U!
har!har!har!

Baking Preparation

A little girl was watching her mother prepare a fish for dinner. Her mother cut the head and tail off the fish and then placed it into a baking pan. The little girl asked her mother why she cut the head and tail off the fish. Her mother thought for a while and then said, “I’ve always done it that way – that’s how Grandma did it.”
Not satisfied with the answer, the little girl went to visit her Grandma to find out why she cut the head and tail off the fish before baking it.
Grandma thought for a while and replied, “I don’t know. My mother always did it that way.”
So the little girl and the Grandma went to visit Great Grandma to find ask if she knew the answer.
Her Great Grandma thought for a while and said, Because, in my day, we had only a small kitchen, and my baking pan was too small to fit in the whole fish.
har!har!har!

Insensitive

When people accidentally walk on your feet they apologize. However when people walk all over your heart – they don’t even realize!
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One Hundred Percent

Your 100% beautiful
Your 100% lovely
Your 100% sweet
Your 100% nice
& your 100%
stupid to believe these words!
har!har!har!

FAIRY TALES VS. REAL LIFE

FAIRY TALES
“Once upon a time… and they lived happily ever after”
REAL LIFE
“They lived happily ever after… once upon a time”.
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True Love

A guy that truly loves his girl doesn’t need to unbutton her shirt just to see a better view of her heart. TRUE OR FALSE?
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MULTIPLICATION TABLE

TEACHER: Teodoro, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
TEODORO: Because you told me to do it without using tables.
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Philippines

TEACHER: Mechelle, go to the map and find Philippines.
MECHELLE: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered Philippines?
CLASS: Mechelle!
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Follow your dreams

My mom said follow your dreams, so I went back to bed!
 har! har! har!

Workaholic

A camel can work for the whole week without drinking. A man can drink for the whole week without working.
har! har! har!