Take me home joke

"Please help the homeless. Take me home with you."

har!har!har!

Famous phrase joke

"Please hire me, I need job, need to level up tnx"

har!har!har

you must be tired joke

You've got to be tired! You've been running through my mind all day!

har!har!har!

Nightmare joke

Tibo: Doc, I always dreamed at night that I am an NBA player and I am the point guard of Lakers.
Doc: Well, I'll give you medicine today so that you will not dream of it again.
Tibo: No. Not now Doc. Its our championship tonight.

har!har!har!

Talkative joke

In a pet shop, the costumer is asking the parrot with a sarcastic smile.

Customer: Hey parrot do you know how to talk?
Parrot: Yes I know how to talk. How about you? Do you know how to fly?

har!har!har!

Mathematics joke

Student1: I dont like the bra of our math teacher?
Student2: What bra?
Student1: AlgeBRA.

har!har!har!

Hearing Aid joke

Deaf1: Are you going to school?
Deaf2: No. I will go to school.
Deaf1: Ahhh ok I thought you will go to school.

har!har!har!

Which one is heavy? joke

Q: Which one is much heavy, 1 kilo of rice or 1 kilo of cotton?
A1: rice.
A2: no. cotton.

Which one?

har!har!har!

Friendly pet joke

It was a rainy day when a stranger was stranded in an unamed rural town and is getting hungry and did not see any store to buy food. He decided to ask for a drink in an old house near to him. Only a 6 yr old girl in the house and invited him in and served him a cup of tea. There was a cat running around the kitchen, running up to the visitor and giving him a great deal of attention. The visitor commented that the cat is very friendly. The child replied: "Ah, she's not that friendly. That's her cup you're using."

har!har!har!

Vision is the art of seeing joke

A 90 year old man is visiting his Doctor and said that his eyesight medication has improvement but he is bothered for peeing at the middle of the night and he claims that there is miracle because the lights is on when he pee and off when he is done.

The Doctor called his daughter to confirm about it. The daughter exclaimed "My Dad been peeing in the refrigerator again!"

ew!!

har!har!har!

System problem joke

The office Manager do a spot checking and saw a playing cards on his staff table.

Manager: What happened?
Staff: Sir, there is a problem of the system, so we need to do it manually.
Manager: Strange!

har!har!har!

What fruit? joke

Question: What kind of fruit mentioned in the song Happy Birthday?
Answer: Dalandan

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Correct me if Im wrong joke

Son: Father, why at all times I'm wrong?
Father: No, son you are wrong.


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Job Vacancy joke

Do you want to be an Actor under FPJJ production?
You will work together with Rudy Fernando, Micoy Sotto, Ricky Yan, Nida Blanco, Marky Ciela entitled "Ikaw nalang ang hinintay" Directed by Ernie Beron. Music by: Francis Megalona.

Audition now.

har!har!har!

Fraternity life joke

One man has to do one thing before he could join the Unamed Fraternity:
Man 1: You have this choices: drink alcohol, sleep with a girl, or kill your neighbor?
Man 2: I don't want to kill or sleep with a girl who is not my wife because it is a sin. So, I will drink alcohol.

After got drunk, he raped the girl and kill his neighbor.

ha!har!har!

Farm Joke

Pokwang's Farm Town is growing beautifully but only she can't wait her tomatoe field to get ripen. So she goes to her farm neighbor and ask, ``Your tomatoes are ripe, mine are still green. What can I do about it?'' Her neighbor replies, ``Well, all you have to do is take off your clothes during night time and visit your farm tomatoes. Tomatoes can see in the dark and they'll be embarrassed and blush. In the morning they'll all be red, you'll see.'' Well, She does it. Next day her neighbor asks her if how is it going. ``So-so,'' she answers. ``The tomatoes are still green but the cucumbers are all eight inches longer.''

har!har!har

Job interview joke

Interviewer: I want to test your English and I want you to create sentence using Green, Pink,Yellow, Blue, White,Purple and Black.

Interviewee: I hear the phone ringing Green,Green, Green Green, so then I Pink up the phone and said Yellow, Blues that? White did you say, oh wrong number, don't Purplely disturb people and don't call black again ok?

Interviewer: Thats enough, you can go black from where you from and wait for your phone ringing green, green, green.

har!har!har!