Just be sure

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it seven or 8 times, just to be sure.
har!har!har!

Laughter is the best medicine

Laughter is the best medicine, but if you laugh without reason, you need medicine.
har!har!har!

Best Medicine

A wise Physician said " The best medicine for humans is LOVE". Someone ask "What if it doesn't work?" The Physician smiled and replied " Increase the dose".
har!har!har!

How to find X

Dear Algebra,
Stop asking us to find your x.
She's not coming back and we don't know y either.

har! har!har!

Punctuation Check

Let's eat Grandma.
Let's eat, Grandma.

Correct punctuation can save a persons life.
har! har! har!

Baking Preparation

A little girl was watching her mother prepare a fish for dinner. Her mother cut the head and tail off the fish and then placed it into a baking pan. The little girl asked her mother why she cut the head and tail off the fish. Her mother thought for a while and then said, “I’ve always done it that way – that’s how Grandma did it.”
Not satisfied with the answer, the little girl went to visit her Grandma to find out why she cut the head and tail off the fish before baking it.
Grandma thought for a while and replied, “I don’t know. My mother always did it that way.”
So the little girl and the Grandma went to visit Great Grandma to find ask if she knew the answer.
Her Great Grandma thought for a while and said, Because, in my day, we had only a small kitchen, and my baking pan was too small to fit in the whole fish.
har!har!har!

Insensitive

When people accidentally walk on your feet they apologize. However when people walk all over your heart – they don’t even realize!
har!har!har!

MULTIPLICATION TABLE

TEACHER: Teodoro, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
TEODORO: Because you told me to do it without using tables.
har!har!har!

Philippines

TEACHER: Mechelle, go to the map and find Philippines.
MECHELLE: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered Philippines?
CLASS: Mechelle!
har! har!har!

Follow your dreams

My mom said follow your dreams, so I went back to bed!
 har! har! har!

The Brain

The brain is the most outstanding organ. It works for 24 hours, 365 days, right from your birth until you fall in LOVE!
 har! har! har!

IT PROFESSIONALS

Long time ago, people who sacrifice their sleep, family, food , laughter, and other joys of life were called saints, But now they are called IT professionals. har! har! har!

Dream Joke

Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the pillow was gone.
- Tommy Cooper

har! har! har!

Tagalog Jokes

Mister: Kung gagawa ako ng pelikula , gusto ko , ako si
ZORRO!
Misis: E ako , sino?
Mister: Si DACOS!
Misis: Dacos? Sino ' yun?
Mister: DA COS of all my ZORROs!


----------- ---------- ------------ -- ------------ - --------
Job interview:
Boss: Ano ang alam mo?
Rommel: Alam ko po kung saan kayo nakatira ng misis niyo , at kung saan nakatira ang kabit niyo.
Boss: Tanggap ka na!


------------ -- ------------ ---- ------------ - ------------
Tomas: Sobrang tabatsoy ang misis ko , kaya gusto niyang magbawas ng timbang.
Nag-horseback riding siya...
Jorge: Ano ' ng resulta?
Tomas: Nabawasan ng sampung kilo ' yung kabayo!


------------ ---- ------------ --- ------------ - ------------
Ama: Kumusta ang pag-aaral mo?
Anak: Nag-lesson at test po kami tungkol sa mga manok.
Ama: Ano , madali ba?
Anak: Chicken na chicken!
Ama: Anong grade mo?
Anak: Itlog po.


------------ -- --------- ----------- ---------- ----------
Dalawang holdaper sa bangko:

Holdaper #1: Yehey! Mayaman na tayo!
Holdaper #2: Bilangin mo na!
Holdaper #1: Alam mo namang mahina ako sa math. Abangan na lang natin sa balita kung magkano!


-------- ----------- ----------- ------------ ------------
Pasyente: Okey ba ang services sa ospital na ito?
Doktor: Oo naman. Sigurado ' yon.
Pasyente: Paano kung hindi ako satisfied?
Doktor: Ibabalik namin ang sakit mo.


------------ ------------ ------------ -- ------------ -----------
3 tanga nagsisiksikan sa maliit na ** kama **:*

TANGA1: Pare , di tayo kasya. Bawas tayo ng isa , sa lapag na lang matulog.
(Bumaba si Tanga 1.)

TANGA2: Ayan , pare maluwag na , akyat kana dito!



************ ********* **
Dear Dodong ,
Sa susunod anak , Nido non-fat na lang ang ipadala mo sa tatang mo. Nasisira kasi ang tiyan niya sa pinadala mong Nivea Moisturing Milk...
Nagmamahal - Nanay



************ ********* **
ANAK: ' Tay , penge ng pera. May project kami. Bibili ako ng 'cocomban ' ..
TATAY: Ano ka ba naman. Hangga ngayon ' cocomban ' pa rin ang tawag mo!
ANAK: Ano po ba ang tama?
TATAY: Bomb paper!



************ ********* ********* **
MISIS: Dear , iligaw mo nga tong pusa. Nakasako na. Dalhin mo sa malayo!
MISTER: Ok!
MISIS: Bakit ka ginabi? Niligaw mo ba ang pusa?
MISTER: Bwisit na pusang yan! Kundi ko siya sinundan , di ako nakauwi!



************ ********* ********
PEDRO: Galing ako sa doktor , nakabili na ako ng hearing aid. Grabe ang linaw ngayon nang pandinig ko!
JUAN: Wow , galing! Magkanong bili mo sa hearing aid?
PEDRO: Kahapon lang!



************ ********* ********* ******
At a funeral...

ERAP: Tara na , Jinggoy. Alis na tayo!
JINGGOY: Kararating pa lang natin a!
ERAP: Naku mahirap nang maiwan. Basahin mo o: 'REMAINS WILL BE CREMATED. '



************ ********* ********
Tanga 1: Ano bang hinahanap mo diyan sa supot ng 3-in-1 coffee. Kanina ka pa silip nang silip diyan.
Tanga 2: Hinahanap ko yung libreng asukal. Nakasulat kasi sa karton ' SUGAR FREE. '


************ ********* *******
JUAN: Pare , ang bilis kong nabuo ' tong puzzle!
PEDRO: Talaga? Gaano kabilis?
JUAN: 5 months!
PEDRO: Tagal naman!
JUAN: Tagal ba ' yun? Nakalagay nga dito: 'for 3 years & up ' !

har! har! har!

Text Joke

If u need a friend (text me), need a laugh (call me), need a hug (stop by), need money? (this number is no longer in service).

har! har! har!

Gasoline Joke

Customer: Give me 1 cup of coffee.
Waiter: Its 10 pesos.
Customer: Why? before it is only 8 pesos.
Waiter: Because the gasoline price increases.
Customer: okay. dont put gasoline.

har!har!har!

Grammar Joke

Teacher: Our lesson for today is Tagalog. Guliat Use "ng" in a sentence.
Gamitin ang salitang "ng" sa wastong pangungusap.

Guliat: (Maayong gabii, Nang) Good evening, Ate.

Har!har!har!

2 coats Joke

Son: Father, why you wear double coats while painting?
Father: Becuase its says use 2 coats for better results.

har!har!har!

Hearing Joke

Tikboy was a snatcher, and was not bless the time he snatch the wallet of the rich business man. He was caught by the Policewoman. He was then summoned to attend the first hearing in the Hall of Justice.

Judge: Okay tikboy, What can you say? promised to say nothing but the truth.
Tikboy: Judge, I thought this is hearing only! Why include speaking?

har!har!har!

Surgery Joke

Guliat: What do you call for surgery to remove appendix?
Tiban: Apendectomy.
Guliat: What about surgical procedure to remove tonsils?
Tiban: Tonsillectomy.
Guliat: Very good. Now, What is for bad breath?
Tiban: Was there surgery for bad breath?
Guliat: Yes. there is.
Tiban: SO. What was it?
Guliat: That is what we called "Dont talk to me".

har!har!har!